Ok, so here we go. Things that are going on with me right now. I am really truly being tested right now. I feel that the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I feel that I am not good enough for anything or anyone. I don't know what it is I have to do. I know that everyone solely puts the blame on me for all these thigns happening. I think that it is quite un-fair. I know that I have to take the back seat. I know that everyone seems to be caring and understanding of everyone but my own "feelings." It is like my opinion doesn't matter at all. My feelings doesn't matter at all. What I am going through isn't hard at all. It is like I am keeping her away from things that I am not doing whatsoever. It is such bullshit. I am really really mad at the thought of everyone thinking that I am keeping her away. I know that it may seem like that. but that is far from the fucking truth. I know that I am being tested mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. I know that it seems like my small white world is caving in on me. I am scared. I am fucking scared to death.. All I want is someone to talk to that wants to get to know me and be my friend, not out of obligation, but out of liking me. I say this because I am always put in situations with new people to where I only would meet because of prior obligation. They are nice people, but I dont think that they really care if i was here or not. I want my friends. I want my friends or some fucking new friends again to where I would have people to spend my time with. I enjoy spending time with Abby alot. but I think it look slike I am just clingy, when that isn't the case at all. I don't know anyone, I don't know where I am, I am not going anywhere to meet anyone, just seems like a rollercoaster ride filled with no scenery. I keep going up and down but going no where really fucking fast. I also think that if anything, it would just be nice to actually get have people that would want to know me, for me. Not because I am dating you. I think that it is great that everyone takes initiative that are your friends to get to know me, but it isn't like I am getting any phone calls or even you getting phone calls for that matter because of me. They think that I am either keeping you from it, or you wouldn't want to or i wouldn't want to, because I am some big asshole. I am tired of being labeled.