slow motion

Ms. jones taught me english, but I think I just shot her son
Cause he owed me money, with a bullet in the chest you cannot run
Now hes bleeding in a vacant lot
The one in the summer where we used to smoke pot
I guess I didnt mean it
But man you shoulda seen it
His flesh explode

Slow motion
See me let go
We tend to die young
Slow motion
See me let go
What a brother knows
Slow motion
See me let go

Now the cops will get me
But girl, if you would let me
Ill take your pants off
I gotta a little bit of blow
We could both get off
Later bathing in the afterglow
Two lines of coke Id cut with draino
And her nose starts to bleed
A most beautiful ruby red

Slow motion
See me let go
Well remember these days
Slow motion
See me let go
Urban life decays
Slow motion
See me let go

And at home
My sisters eating paint chips again
Maybe thats why shes insane
I shut the door to her moaning
And I shoot smack in my vains
And wouldnt you
See my neighbors beating his wife
Because he hates his life
Theres an arc to his fist as he swings
Oh man, what a beautiful thing

And death slides close to me
Wont grow old to be
A junkie whine-o creep

Hollywood glamourized my wrath
Im the young urban psyco path
I encite murder for your entertainment
Cause I needed the money
Whats your excuse?
The jokes on you

Slow motion
See me let go (aaahh)
Oh yeah
Slow motion
See me let go (aaahh)
Ahhhh
Slow motion
See me let go (aaahh)
Oooh

I really don't know why I wrote this..

I hate this fucking weather. I get so depressed turning this time of the year. I fell asleep and woke up at 1230 am and it has started raining, again. It seems like it rains almost everyday for the last few weeks. I don't know what the hell it is but I am just very sensitive right now. Everything makes me sad. I don't feel like I am good enough for anything or anyone anymore. I feel like the ground is not mine to walk to upon. I know its just this time of the year because of the weather. or at least I assume that is what it is. I get these unbelievable anxiety attacks and I can't concentrate on anything. I obsessively think of the most negative things. I think and think until I make myself sick. I feel like I am losing faith in myself and in god and in life. It is hard to believe in anything when you don't even believe in yourself. I know when I was a kid, I knew that I would be someone important. I would be someone to remember in a positive way. I know everyone thinks of the future optimistic when they are a child. But seriously, I feel like a big disappointment. I have no friends here still and have been here since april. radioshack is my favorite job ever but my manager is fucking hates me and is a total bitch towards me, why I don't know? I haven't done a fucking thing to that girl, but whatever. I feel like If I fuck up in the least bit and im gonna get fired. I don't know what my point is really. I guess is damn, I used to be the center of attention in a crowd, that now I don't even think I am noticed. I know its dumb, I don't think anyone really gives a shit about me anymore. I almost feel like I have disappeared. For example, I got a new phone and was putting numbers in the phone and got to fifteen numbers because I don't know anyones numbers anymore and I have no one to talk to. Most of the numbers were of people I am sure I will never even call. Man im not saying that anybody hates me. I don't know really what im getting at except that the "importance" of me seems pretty low. I haven't heard from much of anyone lately. I think, no I know that if I was never seen again that it wouldn't even matter. I hold no crucial role in society. Goddamn I don't want graveling or anything, just seem like such a recluse.

I bought the new lg muziq today, pretty sweet phone. i am still figuring out how it works. i actually get a full 40 hours at radioshack this week so thats good. i am not making as much as i was told at macaroni grill so we shall see how that works out. but i think i know its the last time ill ask someone for help, cause i came to someone asking for a huge favor, but i didnt ever hear anything after asking. never heard anything else about it after it was said. i guess that just tells me not to ask for help.

look in the mirror

I Look In The Mirror To See What My Hair Is Doing. Is It Kind Of Skywalker? or Is it Kind Of Stupid? But thats not the real reason im looking, I need a reminder of what I am doing..... I need a reminder that i'm human. In my dreams I love you like
A snowstorm in the night
The windows open wide
Here comes reflected light
We can keep the covers up
We bet it all on luck
But do dreams ever do damage to life?
When you need so much
You can't get it right
Who else is here today?
I'm alone but can't obey
Swim on my back at night
Near my clothes and a flashlight.

I finally went to a record store today in minneapolis. It was nothing amazing, just nice to be where I can find good music. I bought the new daniel martin moore cd, which no one knows him yet, but you will. He is on SubPop and it reminds me of mason jennings, that doesn't mean it sounds like it. then I got an old Heatmiser cd. For those of you who don't know who that is, it's a band that elliott smith was in before he went solo. Yeah I don't know thats about it. I hate the fall, I get really depressed and stuff. I am having a really tough time right now. One of my friends back home died yesterday. He was just 25. It's just sad because that could happen to any of us. I am lucky to still be here, but sometimes I feel like I am so ungrateful for it. But yeah, just feel bad and have really bad anxiety and I can't keep from being overwhelmed with emotion. Prolly cause I am a pussy. haha