I like your pretty eyes better blackened and my fist all fucking red

I had alot to say at first but I done forgot it, oh well. I was just thinking about how I think I am an idiot for telling you that I missed you, I know it made you feel better about yourself. I think about how it would be nice to hear you say that but of course you won't. You move on really quick and talk about how you never been in love anyway and this new guy I forget it his name but he made you laugh so much. I am happy for you. I know that for me all these whores I have been with the last few months make me feel awful about myself. I am too scared to trust anyone now because of you and I have added too many notches on my bedpost.. I am ashamed really, I want a good girl, not a fucking whore. I just think about how my actions have been lately, so i could only imagine what you've been doing. I am sure its probably much worse. I don't care though that isn't really any of my concern now. I know that I hate the fact that I am so scared of commiting now. The other day too when I said I missed you I do mean that, but that doesn't mean I want to get back with you because I don't. I know it doesn't make any difference to you just telling you that. Anyway, since I did it I am in a funking fucking mood. On a high note even though I didnt get to file all my taxes from all my jobs because I didn't get them all and even though I got fucked over on my paying of rent I still am getting back almost a Grand so thats sweet. I am taking that with the money I have saved up now and I will be leaving soon enough. I was gonna leave for Washington but I backed out because I just couldn't really see myself as a lumberjack.haha but im thinking certainly somewhere north or midwest. I would really like to live in oregon or washington seriously but probably be weird not knowing anyone. Maybe I'll move to Omaha? I know what the next two tattoos is I will be getting and where. I am gonna get a phonograph for my best friend EJ who is dead, I actually went to his grave for the first time in almost a couple of years. I cried like a baby, hell I miss him and i dont care if that sounds gay.. to think about what we would be doing right now. I am sure be going to school for music and I would have someone I could trust and not worry about fucking me over. Really a good friend. The second tattoo im gonna get is the typewriter on Mineral EndSerenading cd.. I want to get both of them on each arm up top where the muscle is on the inner part. But yeah I hate it here, fucking dump. But I guess I am gonna go to Culinary school in Louisville if nothing else next semester. I would rather live in Louisville than here. Louisville is the 16th biggest City in The U.S. so its not bad. I actually really like Louisville.. but anyway im done now.