I really don't know why I wrote this..

I hate this fucking weather. I get so depressed turning this time of the year. I fell asleep and woke up at 1230 am and it has started raining, again. It seems like it rains almost everyday for the last few weeks. I don't know what the hell it is but I am just very sensitive right now. Everything makes me sad. I don't feel like I am good enough for anything or anyone anymore. I feel like the ground is not mine to walk to upon. I know its just this time of the year because of the weather. or at least I assume that is what it is. I get these unbelievable anxiety attacks and I can't concentrate on anything. I obsessively think of the most negative things. I think and think until I make myself sick. I feel like I am losing faith in myself and in god and in life. It is hard to believe in anything when you don't even believe in yourself. I know when I was a kid, I knew that I would be someone important. I would be someone to remember in a positive way. I know everyone thinks of the future optimistic when they are a child. But seriously, I feel like a big disappointment. I have no friends here still and have been here since april. radioshack is my favorite job ever but my manager is fucking hates me and is a total bitch towards me, why I don't know? I haven't done a fucking thing to that girl, but whatever. I feel like If I fuck up in the least bit and im gonna get fired. I don't know what my point is really. I guess is damn, I used to be the center of attention in a crowd, that now I don't even think I am noticed. I know its dumb, I don't think anyone really gives a shit about me anymore. I almost feel like I have disappeared. For example, I got a new phone and was putting numbers in the phone and got to fifteen numbers because I don't know anyones numbers anymore and I have no one to talk to. Most of the numbers were of people I am sure I will never even call. Man im not saying that anybody hates me. I don't know really what im getting at except that the "importance" of me seems pretty low. I haven't heard from much of anyone lately. I think, no I know that if I was never seen again that it wouldn't even matter. I hold no crucial role in society. Goddamn I don't want graveling or anything, just seem like such a recluse.