loser

i had a good birthday overall. it was nice to have my girlfriend that loves me and tried to give me all that she could. it was really nice to have. we went out to eat a couple of times and she bought me the fourth season of rescue me. i tried to have some people come out for dinner but they had plans to, but it was nice still anyway. it would have been nice to be around some friends and family that would have celebrated on friday or something, but I am 800 miles away from them. I know they love me regardless. It was cool that one of her friends, Katie who is a really cool girl gave me a ticket to a sigur ros concert. It was nice to get that, I didnt get anything else. I am 24 so it doesn't matter as much as it did when i was younger. anyway i wrecked her car today right after my birthday. i hate my life. i care so much about her so much but i think everything i do just makes me look worse and worse. I know that I shouldnt feel like this but I do. I am just feeling really shittshitty about it. I look so bad all the time. I do all that I can. I know that her family shouldnt have to suffer for that. I know they are having it hard, so i have given all I can so she wouldnt have to ask them. I feel like me being a fucking loser and doing alot of things makes me look like such a fuck up. I love her so much, but I am such an idiot and feel terrible. It is the second wreck I have ever been in. The first one was bad, a guy was drunk walking in the middle of the road and I swerved to miss him and hit a telephone pole and was in a coma and almost died. But I feel like right now I wish I would have died today. Cause I am just tired of failing.